Catching up

[TheHeadlessHorseman]

Im sorry to have to tell you that the intrusive memories you mention get worse with age.

Well, that's comforting to know.

Actually, I already assumed as much. When I was younger I thought that by now it would have been less frequent in my life as I got older, but I'm 45 now and it only seems to be getting stronger. I also thought that my memory would have eventually run out of room by now, but it apparently hasn't reached capacity yet. I don't even want to think about what it's going to be like when I'm 80.

I guess I'm subconsciously preparing for that life review I expect when I die.

I think that each and every single one of us walking around on this planet has done, or thought of doing something that is considered by our faith to be questionable. But most of us know when and where to draw the line.

I went through Hell when I was a kid, but I didn't go forth into this world and choose to do the same evil to other people, I could have, but I made the choice to be a better person. I treat everybody with respect and decency until they make the choice to turn against me, and then I will react accordingly. I haven't had to kill anybody yet, but I would do it without hesitation if I had to because I believe that the Good Lord gave us the gift of our life, and the right to defend that life against the people that would attack us.

Yes, I've done some bad things, and one day when it's time for my *interview* with the Good Lord, I will answer for my actions, everybody will. I don't know what the outcome will be, but I do know that with the unbelievable evil acts that some people have done in this life, most of us are saints compared to those people.

"What you need for a happy old age is a good digestion and a bad memory."

Honestly, I think that it would be a perfect life if that was actually true.

But I think that we are given memory, and the ability to reflect on our lives and experiences for a reason, whether they are good or bad, filled with joy or regret, we carry them with us to learn from them, and when possible, to teach others. I suppose that it's a necessary part of being human. Then again, what do I know? I'm just a guy with a keyboard.

[Murfreesboro]

Many years ago, when we were living in Virginia, a student was questioning his/her teachers for a yearbook article. The student wanted to know how each teacher defined what a human being is. When he (she?) came to my husband, he said that "a human being is the creature who has the capacity to imagine a future different from the past and present." I was blown away by that response. I asked my husband, "Did you read that somewhere?" And he said no. But I've never heard a better definition. You know, animals have remarkable intelligence and intuition, but they're never going to transform themselves or their environments the way people can and do. A beaver building a dam is amazing, but he'll build it the same way beavers built it a thousand years ago, and a thousand years from now beavers will be doing the same thing the same way.

Even though animals have an innate fear of death, I don't think they have the capacity to dwell on their mortality, to consider how their time is limited. They tend to live in the present, I think, even though they can obviously remember some things that were outstandingly good or bad. They can be trained. But I don't think they can project into the future the way we do. As you've said, that's a blessing and a curse. But I think there's a reason why so many great writers over the years have seen our awareness of our mortality as more of a blessing. It motivates us and makes everything more valuable.

[Andybev01]

Just looking out across the town.

Our temps have dropped into the 60s daytime, with morning frost on the horizon.

[Murfreesboro]

Oh, how beautiful! Not much leaf change yet. We wish we could get autumnal temps, but so far, though our nights can dip into the 50s, our days often stretch up to the high 80s. At least it's better than the endless, bone dry, 100 degree days of Sept.

We've had a rainy weekend at last, thanks to the hurricane remnants. I'll finally be able to decorate my yard, now that the ground is no longer like concrete. But hurricanes are warm weather storms, so there won't be much temperature drop.

[TheHeadlessHorseman]

Well, you're absolutely right about animals, that they live their lives in the present without contemplating their inevitable demise. Depending on your perspective, I guess that they are fortunate in that regard, our society would be very different if people lived their lives like that. But as you said, some of the greatest writers throughout history have been smart enough to recognize and appreciate that our time here is limited.

On a unrelated note, I guess that Phoebe has been giving some serious thought to the decision that's in front of her. Yesterday she said that she wanted to talk to me about something, then she said ... what do you think I should do? I told her that this is a decision that only she could make for herself, she looked at me directly in the face and with hesitation in her voice she said ... but ... what would you do if you were me?

In that moment I realized that she is still a child, and still too young to carry the burden and possible consequences of making such a big decision at her age. I sat beside her and held her hand and I said ... I know exactly what I would do in this situation, I'll also tell you what I think you should do, but first I'm going to go over the choices that you have, and explain the different paths that each decision could lead to.

I explained to her that if she didn't do what Jenny wants her to do that there could be some ramifications for it, that woman could sabotage her in various ways until she is old enough to compete in the older age groups in the other tournaments in the area, and even then, we don't know if Jenny has any influence over the decisions that the other tournament boards make, so it's probably a good idea to stay on her good side and don't burn any bridges with her.

I also told her that if she didn't feel comfortable going out there and hurting other kids for no reason, then she shouldn't do it because it could weigh on her conscience. I said ... you know that eventually you're going to run into some stupid kid that's going to play dirty, so even if you're not looking to fight somebody like that, you're probably going to come up against somebody like that in every tournament and give Jenny exactly what she wants without intentionally trying to.

Then I told her what I think she should do, I said that she should continue doing what she has been doing, go out there and beat her opponents fairly within the regulations of the tournament, and when she meets a opponent that doesn't compete fairly that she should handle them aggressively, but appropriately without injuring them too seriously.

I asked her if she knew what she was going to do now, she paused for a moment and said that she did. She said that she was going to do what I said because that's what she wanted to do anyway, and that she felt the same way about it before I said that. Of course, this conversation went longer than it should have because I had to explain the meaning of certain words like ... ramifications, sabotage, and conscience, and exactly what I meant when I said don't burn any bridges. Yes, she can kick the sh*t out of people, but she's still just a kid that still has a lot to learn.

[Murfreesboro]

Oh, I'm so relieved to hear that the two of you had this conversation, and that she intends to do what she feels comfortable with. I've actually prayed for Phoebe, that she'd make the right choice, and I believe she has, with your guidance. Honestly, that Jenny woman sounds selfish and mean-spirited to me, suggesting that a 9 yr old child should go out and kick the s××× out of every opponent just because she can. I can't believe that she has Phoebe's best interest at heart.