4th of July

[TheHeadlessHorseman]

I'm going to be busy on the 4th but I hope that everybody here has a great time celebrating.

Phoebe's birthday is on the 5th, so she always has a very patriotic themed party, we thought she would be tired of it by now, we asked her if she wanted to do something different this year, but she was very firm about it, so she gets what she wants.

[Murfreesboro]

As a near-Christmas baby myself, I can attest that you tend to identify with a major holiday very near your birthday, as if all the celebration going on throughout society is somehow partly for you. I've always loved having my birthday at such a festive time of year. I bet Phoebe does, too.

Happy Fourth to one and all!

[MauEvig]

Happy Fourth of July! I might be busy myself with the celebrating.

My birthday's also in July though later on in the month. I'm both excited for it, and dreading the idea that I'm going to be 39...just a hop skip and a jump from the big 4.0.

I think I'm going to start counting backwards after this year so I won't have to be 40.

[Andybev01]

You realize that when you turn 39 you are actually beginning your fortieth year, so technically...

[Murfreesboro]

Mau, one of my cousins turned 70 in March. She is 9 mos older than I am, so I'll turn 70 in December. She told me in March that she was turning 69 twice, lol. Going up a decade is daunting every time.

I don't think about age much. I'm still here, I'm enjoying life, and I suspect the only thing that really matters is trying to be useful/considerate/appreciative of the people who come into my life. Counting blessings is the only way to roll.

[TheHeadlessHorseman]

Well said Murf. Here is my opinion on aging.

My grandaunt is currently 99, and back when she was in her 70s we had a conversation about aging, and how most women lie about their age because they have been programmed to live in denial. She said that a REAL woman is thankful for the years that the good Lord has given her, and she is thankful for every line and wrinkle on her body, and for the days she has lived.

I absolutely agree with her on this, and both my wife and I have chosen to age naturally. I have said before that I prefer the natural look on women, my wife only wears makeup for holidays and special occasions, and it's one of the reasons that I was first attracted to her. Another reason is because she has the longest, most beautiful black hair that I've ever seen, when I met her it was in the middle of her back, now it's passed her butt and is near her thighs, though she always wears it in a long braid for safety and sanitary reasons at work. I mention her hair because both of us are starting to get grey hair, and we love it. Her friends want her to color her hair, but she won't do it. Actually, even my doctor has said that I should dye my hair and beard because he, and most men do it, but I said that I'm happy the way I am.

Both my wife and I are putting on some weight, and it's a natural part of aging. The other day one of my friends said that my wife is getting chubby, well guess what? she has had 2 kids, and she runs a bakery ... of course she's chubby! and I wouldn't have it any other way. You know the old saying right? chubby girls keep you warm at night. By the way, that friend is single, and has been for years, I guess he is one of those pathetic men that's waiting for a anorexic super model to fall in love with him, and that's why he is going to die alone.

As the parents to 2 young girls, both my wife and I have to make sure that they grow up with self confidence and that they love themselves for who they are, and not what other people want them to be. They are constantly being shown by the media what is expected of them, this illusion of perfection that doesn't exist. We teach them to think for themselves, and to appreciate the fact that our time here is limited, and to be thankful for being here.

Now here comes the cold hard truth, I understand why most people, women in particular, lie about their age and are in denial about getting older, it's because they have been manipulated by society and the media from the day they are born to be ashamed of aging, they are told that they must stay young to remain relevant, and that after you are past a certain age that you aren't attractive anymore, then they trick these weak minded fools into buying beauty products, and doing skin care routines that don't even work, in a feeble attempt to chase the mythical fountain of youth.

Then there are some women that just buy their fake youth, this can be through plastic surgery like Dolly Parton and Cher that both bought their fake faces, or like most women in society today that get fake boobs, butts, lips, and anything else that they can buy. There are also the women that put on a fake look when they go out like fake nails, hair extensions, and the most disgusting, fake eyelashes.

I mean, something is seriously wrong with our society if they can control people's emotions and make them feel ashamed for something as natural as getting older. But I guess that's the world we live in, there will always be the weak minded people with no self confidence that seek validation from others by fishing for compliments about their appearance because they they still need to feel young.

There are many natural ways to still feel young as you get older, eat healthy, stay active, and as I've mentioned before, both my grandaunt and mother have said that it's about your state of mind, if you feel like a old piece of c-r-a-p because society tells you to, then you're a old piece of c-r-a-p. If you feel like you can do anything regardless of your age, then the sky is the limit, it's up to you.

[Murfreesboro]

I had to chuckle about your eyelashes comment, because I've been noticing the very exaggerated eyelashes on tv for several years. I call them tarantula eyes, because some of those pretty young women look for all the world as if they have hairy spiders on their eyes. My daughter says she thinks that look is coming from the drag queens. Wouldn't that be something, if women have started exaggerating their femininity through influence of entertainers who set out to spoof it?

I've had long hair my whole life, and I also wear it in a braid just to keep it out of the way. Mine never gets longer than just below my waist, though. Your ability to grow it long depends on how much curl or wave it has, and mine does have some natural wave. Only people with perfectly straight hair can grow it to the floor. Mine is still mostly brown, though I have some white around the temples now. My mother, who died at 80, never got gray hair. Back in the 80s, when Reagan was President, many people questioned whether he dyed his hair. Those close to him insisted he did not, and I was always ready to believe them, since I knew my mother didn't dye hers.

For the most part I'm too lazy to wear makeup now, although I did in my youth and don't pass moral judgment on those who do. I do think makeup, well applied, can enhance a woman's beauty. But my husband, like you, says he prefers the natural look, and I figure he's the only one I need to please.

I'm too chicken for plastic surgery. I get that it's good for people who've suffered bad accidents, or in some cases have been born with disfiguring birth defects. But otherwise I'd say, leave well enough alone. All surgery has its risks, and for me the perceived cosmetic benefits don't outweigh the risks. Staying healthy needs to be the goal.

Now that I think of it, I did have one cosmetic surgical procedure, back in 2017. I'd developed a small skin cancer in the middle of one eyebrow (who puts sunscreen directly on their eyebrows?). Anyway, when they removed it, they did do a small surgical procedure to bring the two halves of that eyebrow together. It healed so well that now I honestly can't recall which eyebrow it was. Sometimes women who've had a mastectomy will get an implant to replace the missing breast. I understand that, too, though I'd have to be in that situation before I'd know what I would choose.

[TheHeadlessHorseman]

I hope that everybody enjoyed the festivities.

It's funny, right after I made that post about age being a state of mind I saw this article ...

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/maines- ... 11736.html

I know that my grandaunt will still be that active if she makes it that far, she still does most things for herself, and she won't let anyone tell her otherwise.

My wife has perfectly straight hair, so that's how she is able to grow it that long. She says that she won't ever trim it again, so it will be interesting to watch just how long it gets. Both our girls have long hair as well, Sam has had a few trims, but Phoebe hasn't, and she is insistent that she won't ever do it. Most of the time they both wear their hair in these weird stylized buns that's hard to describe, but I guess they like it. When I was younger I had really long hair, even a few years ago it was still at my shoulders, but now I only grow my hair and beard during the winter months.

I have seen people well into their 80s that still had some of their natural hair color, so I know it's possible, I guess it depends on your genetics. Most of the older people in my family have a full head of white hair, like my mother, but my hair is coming in as a shiny grey, which my wife says makes me look distinguished. My wife actually has more grey hair than I do now, and I can only imagine how beautiful it will be when she gets older. When people tell us we should color our hair we just laugh and tell them that we are proud of our greys, we have earned them.

Regarding ridiculously long eyelashes, I've had conversations with other guys about it, and I swear to you that I haven't ever heard a single guy say that they thought they were attractive, so I don't know why women think it makes them look good.

I don't judge anybody for wearing makeup, it just doesn't float my boat. I will admit though that red nails and lips go well with the holiday season. Both our girls like to wear glittery makeup, especially Phoebe, she is always covered in glitter when she does performances, then she runs up and hugs us after and that stuff gets everywhere.

I agree that plastic surgery is good for people that need it for medical reasons, but it shouldn't be used to turn yourself into a freak. I'm sure that you have heard the horror stories about the celebrities that had bad surgeries, the sick thing is that they used to be naturally attractive, but now they just look repulsive.

[MauEvig]

Well to be quite honest, it has nothing to do with "looks" IMO. I've never really cared too much about appearance. I've always kind of been a "tee shirt and slacks" kind of person. I've never been crazy about wearing dresses and I absolutely hate make up. I do make an exception for a certain fall holiday, but I prefer masks and hats over make up.

It has more to do with me wondering where the time's gone, and what I'm doing with my life. I'm not quite where I want to be career wise. I just hope there's still time. I really miss how things were when I was a kid. I'm sure that's something a lot of people can relate to. I REALLY miss how simple things were in the 90's. We had a nice balance of technology and video games, but still kids went outside to play. Going to the store and getting a drink was always fun and buying my favorite Sonic the hedgehog comics that came out once a month. The only responsibilities I had were keeping my room clean and doing homework. They also say the older we get, the faster time seems to go by. There's some science to that, about time perception. Grandma always says the years go by faster and faster.

There's plenty of good things going on for me in my life too though. My boyfriend and I have a nice house and three cats. We live in a nice quiet area of the world. And Virginia's a beautiful place to live. We have a decent collection of collectibles and video games we enjoy. So as is, life is pretty good. Sure there's dealing with the occasional fix up like the car breaking down, but we get by. We have plenty of food too and plenty to be thankful for. He also spoils me, and we always make time to do fun stuff like go to the movies, shop at the mall or the occasional trip to King's Dominion.

I'm actually grateful our mall is still going strong in Roanoke. A lot of malls are little more than husks or skeletons thanks to online shopping. Honestly? Part of the fun of going to the mall is the experience of walking around and looking at stuff. There's also a great selection of food at the food courts. The last time I went to New York, we visited my childhood mall and it was...sad to look at.

Less than 30 years away is retirement. Which, I have mixed feelings about. On one hand I'm looking forward to not working anymore and maybe now I can focus more on hobbies and interests. But on the other hand, how many years of retirement will I actually get to enjoy before I make friends with worms and dirt?

[Andybev01]

I understand the tragedy of botched plastic surgery, it wasn't what they were trying to achieve.

Unnatural hair color, face tattoos, piercings everywhere...
*sigh*.

Now , if you will excuse me , I have to go and yell at some kids to get off my lawn.

[TheHeadlessHorseman]

MauEvig - I absolutely know what you mean, my younger sister and I were talking about the same thing the other day, asking ourselves where did the last 20 years go? It feels like yesterday we were kids just having fun and thinking of the possibilities that await us, and here we are today and we each have our own families and responsibilities.

In high school I had a teacher that I was very close with, she was in her late 60s at the time, and I remember she told me that when you're under 20 life doesn't move fast enough, and it seems like you're always waiting to be older to finally be allowed to do the things you want to like going to concerts without a adult, or driving. Then after you pass age 20 time slips away before you know it, and one day you wake up and realize there are so many things you wanted to do, but for one reason or another you didn't.

When I had that conversation with her I thought that was just her personal experience, and that everybody would experience the passing of time differently, but as I sit here typing this I can tell you without any hesitation that she was right. I was 20 when 9/11 happened and I'm 43 now, and I swear that it feels like it was yesterday, and not just that event, but everything that happened back then still seems so fresh. I've talked with other people my age and they say the same thing, and you really have to question where that time went?

I honestly didn't think that I would be where I am today, like most people, there were other things that I wanted to do, but this is where I ended up. I was 19 when I started working here, and I've had every role imaginable while I've been here, but if you had told my 19 year old sell that I would still be here, and eventually own this place I would have laughed in your face.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with the way things are, it's just not the way I pictured it, but I guess that's what makes life interesting, you just don't know what to expect each day. As for retirement, I had that conversation with Mike, and I told him that I won't ever retire, I like what I do too much so they will probably have to drag me out of here when the time comes. Of course, that's how I feel about it now, I might feel differently when I'm older.

Unnatural hair color, face tattoos, piercings everywhere...

Man, you wouldn't believe what some of the kids that work for me look like, I don't know why anybody would vandalize themselves that way.

Also, these are for Andy.

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[Murfreesboro]

Life can certainly deliver lots of surprises, some good and some bad. I've had some challenges I never expected, like job loss and the mental health struggles of my second son. With three kids, I'd expected to be a grandparent myself by now, but so far, nada. With the current inflation and my husband's teacher salary capped long ago, we are struggling financially. Still we haven't so far experienced the devastating things some people have dealt with, and for that I'm grateful.

One of my teachers years ago made the comment that in youth, we always want something exciting and fun to happen, whereas in middle age, we're just grateful when nothing bad is happening.

[TheHeadlessHorseman]

You haven't mentioned your younger son in awhile Murf, how is he doing?

It seems like everywhere you look these days both young and older people are hurting. I've had conversations with some of the older people that I know and they tell me that their pension payments isn't enough to live on with the current cost of living being as high as it is, and they have to dip into their savings just to get by.

At least the older generation was able to build a life for themselves, but the young people today don't have a chance in Hell, and it's not their fault because the system is set up against them. Some can argue that the kids today aren't motivated, or they don't have the same ambitions that previous generations did, and that's true for some of them, but for the people that do get jobs and go to college, some still live at home because they can't afford to live on their own.

By the time they get out of college they're already drowning in debt, then when they get a job they can barely afford to eat or cover rent, and some of them have to depend on credit cards and then they rack up more debt from the interest. The issue is that every time a worker's wages goes up, so does the price of everything else, so when you think that you just took a step forward, you actually just took 2 steps back, and they are stuck in a loop and can't get ahead. The disturbing truth is that the young people today will have to work twice as long as we did to afford their own home, and even then some of them still won't be able to.

I currently pay every employee above the minimum wage that I'm required to, and there are a few employees that make significantly more because they have been with us a long time and it's our way to show them that we appreciate them. I also don't make my employees split their tips like some places do, so if a customer comes in and tips one of the servers 100 bucks then that server gets to keep the whole tip and doesn't have to split it with the other employees. We try to help them in any way that we can, with advice and paid incentives to perform better, some of them are thankful for the opportunity and you can tell that they are sincere by their behavior, while others just don't care and waste it.

[Murfreesboro]

My second son is job hunting right now. He still has his job at the restaurant supply grocery, but lots of people can't afford to eat out right now, and the store's manager has been ordered by higher-ups to cut 150 hours a week from her staff's hours. My son also suspects his hours have been cut because he's been there longer and earns more per hour than some.

In the interim he's taken up with a food truck several days a week. When he works there, he can make hundreds of dollars for the day, between his wages and the tips. But it's not every day, it's hot work, and he's interviewing for more managerial positions that might give him more benefits.

Because of his work situation he did not accompany his brother, sister and me to our family reunion this past weekend. But he's been to this one before (it's held annually by the branch of the family descended from the Revolutionary War vet), so, while he was missed, he wasn't missing out on a new experience. My solo trip to Chicago in early June was a belated Mothers Day gift to me from my son who lives up there. I'm hoping my second son can arrange a trip for himself up there later in the year.

[TheHeadlessHorseman]

I hope that he can find a better job that works out for him. At least he is actually putting in the effort, I can't tell you how many people I know, regardless of age, that don't even try to do better and just complain when they don't get ahead.

As for people not eating out as much as they used to because of costs, I think it depends on various factors, some being the rising inflation, geographical location, and the seasons. I find that we have a steady customer base throughout the year where we are, and from summer to the holiday season business is booming for us, but right after the holidays it is slower during the winter months until spring is over and it warms up. Although, the coffee shop we started last year did incredibly well during winter this year, but that's probably because people are coffee addicts.